Sasha’s Struggle - A short story by: Ron Brown

Trying to hold focus on the long lonely drive home, Sasha kept the driver side window down to feel the brisk air flowing across her face. The fall sky with silence of movement except for the full moon keeping watch in the dark night with only faint twinkles of the stars which Sasha often wished upon as a young innocent girl in Odessa. No comfort do these stars bring her tonight for she must make her way stopping only for fuel and bathroom breaks. Sasha pulling the last of the clips from her hair which always held her trademark hair back shaking the shoulder length shimmering blonde hair loose. Her mind reviewing the events of only two days before when all was right with her life. Flashes of Leo’s kiss still causing tingles down her spine. A horn blares past her as she realizes that her fantasy flashback of Leo’s tender hands upon her back and full lips connecting with hers kept her from focusing on the road. “Pull your shit together Sasha” she shouted slamming her palm against the steering wheel. “Damn it Leo, my love for you is going to kill me yet!” she exclaimed turning up the volume on her CD to try to divert her torrid affair from her mind like a cleansing wave. “I can’t lose Peter!” she exclaimed with resolve gripping the wheel. “Damn it! I gotta take a nap or I’ll never make it back home to Peter by morning alive.” Finding a rest stop on Route 78, she closes the windows and parks her car under a lamppost as she is traveling alone. Grabbing the blanket from the back seat, and neck pillow she had since she was 14 when her parents bought it for her while leaving the Ukraine. Tilting her seat back she grabs and holds on to the pillow tightly, as it always reminded her of the things she left behind.

As she turns her tiny five-foot frame to the side she recalled that after her mother had past her father always called her his special gift. Her mother passed away giving birth to her. Her father was always there for her. As slumber starts to take hold of Sasha, she mumbles, “Oh papa, how I wish you were here to help me now.” As slumber finds its way to Sasha, the sound of the sea reaching shore fills her ears, and the voice of her very proud father holding her hand along the Black Sea when she was 13 finds her focus. “Sasha, you bring life to me.” She smiles in her slumber recalling that special day when her dad told her that they would be leaving for the United States next year. But then her dream takes a turn. “Sasha, please sit down. I need to talk with you,” her father exclaimed. Wrinkling her far head in her slumber as this part is not from her memory. “Sasha, I need to talk to you. Please sit down” pointing to the bench facing the sea she found so much comfort from as a child. “Sasha, you know that I have always loved you” his hand running along her hand as he always did to comfort her. “Yes papa. What is it?” Sasha said. “My joy is overflowing for all that you are, know this Sasha” he said assuring her. “But I am not here as a memory, I am here to help you. You know that I brought you to the United States when you were fourteen so we, you could have a better life.” “Yes, papa. I know” she replied.

“When I died last year, I know you took it really hard” he said with his hand brushing her cheek that she felt on her cheek as she slept in the car. “Papa, how is it possible you are talking to me like this, now?” Sasha said with a voice so alarmed. “Sasha, I told you that when your mother was dying after giving birth to you that I promised her I would always make sure you were ok. Even though I passed from the world, I asked to be able to come to you now” he said. “Oh papa, I really screwed up.” She grabbed on to him and released her tears upon his brown jacket holding tightly to him. “Yes, I know all about Leo Sasha. I have watched you every day since I passed. But I gave your hand to Peter two years ago at temple where you gave yourself only to him. On that day, I was so very proud of you. My heart was full of such joy” he said. “I know papa. I know I really screwed up.”

 “My precious Sasha, we all make bad choices. And you driving to Vegas to shame your vows to Peter in that hotel room while Peter thinks you are at a conference for work. I have never been so ashamed to be your father” he continued. “I know papa, I know” she said through the angst in her tears. “You broke a vow Sasha, the one that you swore before God and Peter to be only with him. I never even thought about other women after I made that same vow to your mother. Your mother was always enough for me and all I could have ever asked to have in my life. Even when she passed, I kept my love for her until we reunited after my death” he said in a tone of respect.

“Sasha, I know all about Peter hitting you across the face. I saw your pain and tears that night. I know how drunk he was and that he had no right to hurt you like that my child” he said. “Papa, you saw him do that?” she said holding on to him even tighter grasping on to his lapels as she continued to say, “Papa he was so angry with me over nothing. I got three stitches on my cheek from that” she said. “I know my baby, I know” he replied holding her close to him. “He had no right to raise a hand to you. I saw all the times you cried yourself to sleep after he hit you and it broke my heart. Sasha, I don’t want you to live like that. I never would have agreed to you marrying such a man if I had known. I know you found Leo out of despair for your situation” he said with a voice of such power. “Papa, he hurts me so bad and Leo loves me and would never hurt me” Sasha said.

 “I know I do really know that. Leo was always around since we first moved to the states. I always thought he was an honorable man. I was hoping he would be the man that would ask me for your hand in marriage” he exclaimed much to Sasha’s surprise. “Then you forgive me for being with Leo?” she said with surprise. “No, Sasha. One should never violate the wedding vows that you have made. But Sasha, I know you think me old fashioned. But you needed to get Peter out of your life before you should have ever reached out for Leo. I didn’t raise you to be a slut” he said firmly. “Papa, he helped heal my broken heart!” she said pulling away from him. “Sasha, I didn’t raise you to be a whore. I want you to go back to Peter.” Sasha interrupting him said, “Papa, you want me to get hurt again” she said angrily to him. “Sasha, shut up and listen. I want you to go back to Peter when he is sober and divorce him. Don’t you even go near Leo again until you resolve this with Peter. Promise me Sasha, you will not even see Leo until you are free to do so” he said much to Sasha’s surprise. “Papa, you will let me leave Peter even though I made a vow to be with him forever?” “Sasha, I never wanted you to be in pain. I promised your mother to always look out after you and I cannot stand another day of you being hit and treated in a disgraceful way even one more day. But you can’t sleep with Leo and think that this is ok! I never raised you to be such a deceitful person, did I?” he said. “No papa, you are right. God I miss you papa” she said embracing him tightly with a kiss on his cheek.

“Sasha, I want you happy and honorable. I never wanted you to be treated or treat others in the way you both have done. But what he did caused me such pain even in the afterlife. Promise me you will find a good lawyer who will allow you to have a clean break from Peter before you seek a chance to be with Leo” he said. “I will papa, I will, thank you for loving me so” she said followed by a tender kiss on his cheek like she had done hundreds of times before as a child. “Sasha, one more thing before you leave me. I want you to have something to remember I will always love you. When you open your eyes, look up and look to the sky just to the left of the moon. That bright star is me looking down on you. I will always watch over you Sasha. Open your eyes now and remember you promised me to live with the honor that I raised you to have in your life.” “I will papa, I will” Sasha said as she said this, her eyes opened. She was in her car and said “Wow. What a dream.” Her eyes looked upward and she saw the most amazing thing, a twinkling star just to the left of the moon just like he said. A tear slowly moved down her face with great joy. “I love you papa, I love you.”

Grabbing her cell phone, she quickly found the number to Leo, and told him, that she has decided to divorce Peter. She went on to tell him the experience she just had. Leo after hearing her go on about this said, “Sasha, I do love you. I will wait for you. It will kill me to wait, but I have always loved you. And you tell that son of a bitch Peter, I’ll kill him for hurting you” Leo said. “Leo, No, please, I promised my father that you would stay out of my life until I am available. If you love me you wouldn’t go anywhere near Peter or me until I’m divorced” Sasha said. “OK, but know this Sasha, I can’t promise that I wouldn’t hurt him after the divorce” Leo said. “Leo, no, please, I just want you in my life with all the love and completeness you give me by your love. If you love, me you will not go anywhere near Peter” Sasha insisted. “OK, Sasha. Only because I want you so bad it hurts. I will honor that but I promise you this I will never hurt you and will always be faithful to you for the rest of my life” Leo said. Sasha with tears streaming down her face she couldn’t speak. After a minute Leo said, “Sasha, are you there, did I lose your signal?” Sasha wiping the tears from her face, says, “Oh Leo, I am here. You just touched my heart with your words baby. I will be yours forever, just give me time to get this shit over. I love you so much Leo. Bye.” She hangs up the cell phone.

Sasha places her seat up and puts the pillow and blanket in the passenger seat. Taking a deep breath she reached for her phone again and dialed her best friend Olga. “Hello, Sasha?” Olga answered. “Hey. Yeah it’s me” she replied. “What’s wrong Sasha?” Olga replied. “Wrong? Well, nothing. I decided to leave Peter. Do you think I can move in with you for a while” Sasha said. She then proceeded to give her the details of what had happened and Olga then replied, “Wow, Sasha, you know I always have your back. The spare room is yours for as long as you need it.” “Thanks Olga, I should be there in about 2 hours.”

Sasha, biting her bottom lip in the corner like she did every time she was nervous. She highlighted her home phone number. Looking up to the moon she found the star just to the left and saw a twinkle with such beauty that it gave her the courage to press dial on the phone. “Hello, Sasha, where the fuck are you?” Peter said. “You should have been here hours ago.” Sasha replied, “Peter, it’s over. I am never going to be hit by you again. I have had it with you. I am calling my lawyer in the morning and divorcing you.” Peter responding in a tone she was all too familiar to hearing. “Sasha, you can’t do that. You’re my wife” he said firmly. “Peter, don’t bother trying to find me, I’m going away and my lawyer will contact you with the papers based on the abuse you did to me. And yes, the hospital pictures of my stitches will be submitted to the judge along with a request for a restraining order so don’t try any of your shit. I wouldn’t hesitate to contact the school board about how you beat me over and over. I’m sure your teaching job will disappear in a heartbeat if you want to play hard ball. It’s over.” Peter taken back by her ability to stand up to him like she never did before said, “I hope you’re happy you waste of flesh. Fine, you got your divorce, just don’t take my job away from me it is all I’ll have left.”

As Sasha hung up the phone, she felt this great calm upon her like never before. She looked up to the moon and over just slightly to the left and stared at that star for five minutes saying over and over again, papa, thanks for loving me that much. She started her car and put in a CD from the glove compartment that she hadn’t played since she was 17. Finding the on-ramp, she hit track 6 and Gloria Gaynor’s - I will Survive filled the car as she sang along with meaning she never felt before.

Sorrow Brings Strange Consequences A Short Story by Ron Brown

Sorrow Brings Strange Consequences

A Short Story by Ron Brown

As the dawn light found its way slowly reaching for the sky. Robert lay a top the hood of his car passed out. His shoulder length hair of brown lay still with only slight sensations from the morning breeze. His torn shirt exposing his undershirt with fresh tears in the pocket and color. Jeans loosened at the waist showing subtle motion from his faint breathing.

As light found its way to further climbing into the sky the illumination showed what appeared to be dark red upon his hands. The light now causing his eyes to squint to repel the brightness of the rays from the sun. As he opened his piercing blue eyes finding focus, he raised is arm to find cover. Head pounding from some unknown cause.

Blood still moist now on his far head and horror filled his being at the sight upon his hands and arms. “What the hell!” he exclaimed as he swiftly sat up to see the blood soaked hands and spatters upon his shirt and jeans. “Oh my God” he exclaimed. “What have I done?” His heart now racing as if to match his racing thoughts of where this blood could have been from. He carefully looked to see if cuts were upon his chest, arms and hands but only finding cuts upon his knuckles.

Thoughts of where he had been and where he is now, race in a hurried pace as he rose from the hood of his 1984 Corvette his father had given him last spring for his graduation from high school. In almost a panic he saw the Johnson Farm Lake in front of him. He gazed quickly upon the car looking to see if anyone was hurt. No one inside the car does he find. His young 18 year old heart pounding even faster almost to exhaustion trying to find rhyme or reason for the blood on him.

He thought, what could have I done, what happened last night? The mud on his tires was clay like as only his girlfriends dirt road would have had. He quickly began washing the blood from his harms and took his shirt and pants off to cleanse them from any sign of it. Grabbing a rag from his trunk and a bucket he had used for car washes scores of times, he feverishly began to scrub the car. Thoughts raised in his head. He mumbled, “Where have I been? What the hell did I do?”

He found a spare set of clothes in his trunk and hurriedly began fastening his replacement shirt and jeans. He noticed blood on his boots and tried as he might the top of his boot would not remove two stains of blood that had soaked their way into the material on top of his dress boots his mother gave him last Christmas. He thought no one would notice that. He opened the door to his car only to find beer cans. 9 cans in all on the floor of his car. He thought. Did I hit someone while driving drunk? Then he recalled he saw no damage to his car and quickly dismissed that. Starting his corvette, he span the times to find the road. Gravel leaving waves like a speed boat in the air. His mind still racing of what had happened. He chucked each can out the open window while speeding down the country road.

Finding the highway, he swerved to miss a semi that he didn’t even see in his haste. His heart pounding in his throat, he quickly corrects his path and made a bee line for his Girlfriend Nancy’s house. Flashes in his mind recall a phone call from her the night before. He dwelling on her words thought of her full silky lips and satin black hair, but quickly he focused on what she said to him.

“Robert, you have got to come quickly, My Dad is killing my Mom.” He thought “Did I go there? Did I stop her father?”. His speed picked up pace past 90. When a siren and flashing lights flashed in his rear view mirror. He pulled his car over and realized he needed to be calm. Deep breaths he takes with all his thoughts on pause. “Robert, be calm, you don’t know what happened, so relax.” The officer he saw in his rear view mirror was an old friend Brad who he had known for years. He let out a sigh, “Oh thank God.”

Brad leaned down and removed his highway cop sunglasses. “What’s the hurry Robert? You darn near smashed that semi back there. You OK?” Robert fronted a hurried smile and said “Sorry about that, I just was trying to get home after a late night, you know how Dad is.” Brad laughing said, “Yep, your pop is one mean man when you don’t let him know where you are.” His left hand tapping the top of Roberts Corvette as if to say be careful. Robert Jumped four inches in his seat. Brad said, “You OK, you seem jumpy?” Robert said, “I’m cool, it’s just I gotta get home before Dad wakes up.” Brad replied, “alright, try to be more careful when your driving. I’m sure your Dad wouldn’t want to lose his only Son because he stayed out too late.” Robert replied, “OK, I will. Thanks Brad.” As Brad made his way back to the car and drove off, Robert sat there and thought, “whatever happened, it must have not got the cops involved.”

He quickly shifted his engine and though the car into second gear to get a faster start. He grabbed a Marlboro menthol cigarette off the seat next to him. He said, “Damn it I thought I got rid of all of you. And quickly pushed in the lighter in the car. His hand shaking thinking of what awaits him at his girlfriend’s house.

The popping of the lighter when fully warmed brought a flash of last night to Robert’s mind. He saw him punching someone in a flash. His hand dropping the lighter as he grabbed it. Not focusing on the road ahead he reaches down for it. The sound of a loud horn brings him back up with the lighter in his hand giving it a blister. “Damn it!” Robert quickly corrects his path to his own lane only seconds before crashing head on into a mini van. His body shaking so much he grabbed the cigarette from his mouth in haste tossed it with the car lighter out the window.

His eyes catch the billboard on the side of the road he had seen untold times before. On it was a message “Today, the blood of Jesus will cleanse thee”, a sign from the local Baptist Church. Robert thought to himself, “Who will cleanse the blood from whatever I have done”. Laughing nervously, he knew Nancy’s ranch was only a mile more down the road.

His heart slowing down and then speeding up, thinking in a loop he kept hearing the voice of his girlfriend Nancy “quickly, My Dad is killing my Mom.” He fills a chill across his chest as he turns down the long clay wet path confirming where he had been the night before.

Robert stops the car just short of 100 yards of Nancy’s house. Putting his stick shift in neutral, he cries with is head above. “God, what have I done, help me.” He wipes his tears after ten minutes of sobbing. “Damn it Rob, go face the music no matter how bad.”

He puts the car in gear but only first so he can slowly reach the house. He pops the clutch from nervousness. “Damn. I haven’t done that since I first got the car. Pull yourself together.” He starts the car again and this time parks along side the house. A modest ranch style home with worn paint form Nancy’s Dad too lazy and drunk to care about his family let alone his home.

As Robert leaves his car gently closing the door so as not to raise any attention he tip toes on the porch looking inside the screen, squinting inside for any sign of what had occurred. Nancy seeing her loves face runs to from the kitchen and says, “Thank God, I was so worried about you.” Robert with a puzzled look upon his face opens the door and finds Nancy’s arms around his chest. Her five foot height Robert found appealing when they first met. Nancy held him tightly as he felt her love, his frame found release of some of his anxious tension.

Robert said shaken, “What happened? I don’t remember a thing.” Nancy, with a smile and tears in her eyes said, “You don’t remember anything?” Robert said, “No. I wish I did.” He leaned in and whispered to her. I only remember your phone call and then I woke up covered in blood.” Nancy takes him by the hand. No other souls were in the house. Robert said “Is your Mom OK?” Nancy taking firmly in you arms holding him close. “Yes, thanks to you.” Robert said, “your going to have to fill me in, I don’t remember anything.”

Nancy said, “My father was so drunk and out of control he kept beating Mom so hard. I called you and asked you to come help me.” Nancy with tears in her eyes continued. “When you got here dad had split mom’s head open with the corner of the counter in the kitchen, blood was everywhere. You, you grabbed my fathers fist and pushed him away from her. You started waling on him with your fists. I wish I could have done that. You tied him up with the telephone wire in a chair while I called the police.”

Robert said, “You mean I didn’t kill him?” Nancy replied, “God no. You were a true hero to Mom. You waited until the local police showed up and took Dad to prison and then followed Mom and me to the hospital in your car. You had her blood all over you as you helped prevent any more blood loss while we waited for the ambulance.”

Robert replied, “Thank God, I woke up by the lake and thought I had killed someone.” Nancy said, “The only person you killed was yourself. Robert don’t you remember?” You kept beating yourself up about how you wish you could have gotten here sooner. You took all dads’ beer cans and put them in your car. You told me that you were going to throw all his booze into the lake.”

Robert said, “What do you mean I killed you?” Nancy replied. “You don’t remember, my Angel? You kept telling me about how badly you felt from all that I had gone through and how you wish you could take my pain away. I ran out from the hospital and you shifted your car in reverse. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, but I hit my head on the curb when I fell back. And well a bright light shined around me. I felt such warmth as the angel appeared to me. I heard your screams of hating yourself. With my last breath I asked you to not blame yourself. I love you my darling, you saved my mothers life. But you drove off with all Dad’s beer in your car. I asked the angel to watch over you as you may have accidentally taken my life, but you saved my Mom from horrors over the years and scars to my own body when Mom was not enough. Robert?” Robert replied with confusion, “But I feel you here with me.” Nancy said, “I asked the angel to let me see you one last time. He said I could but only alone one last time. I asked the angel to let you forget all that had happened. I guess he did.”

Robert said, “How could I have done that to you? Oh God, I am not worthy to live any longer!” Nancy stroking his hair said, “Robert, you saved my Mom and I am forever in your debt. No one saw you hit me in that parking lot, and I don’t want them to know. For I forgive you and am in your debt. You were the only good think in my life, but you gave a new life for my Mom. She is going to need you now. Please go to her and tell her, that I was thinking of her at the end.”

Robert said, “Wait, is there no way, I can have you back. I didn’t mean to back over you.” He released such a flow of tears and shaking to the bone. Nancy, as she stood up, said “I might be gone from you, but YOU Robert were my true angel. Please love my Mom like your own. I will miss you my love. Kiss me one last time before I must go.” Robert holding Nancy and kissing her silken lips one last time, felt her disappear as the kiss ended. A glowing orb raised above, Robert looking up herd one last thing, “Robert, forgive yourself and heal with my mother. Thank you, I will watch over you forever.”

Robert, still shaken to the bone, walking to Nancy’s room. There he found her Journal open to yesterday. It read, “Oh diary, I am so lucky to have Robert to be there for Mom and I as Dad has not let us have peace. I long so much to be far away from the pain of this house. Please send an angel to take me from here and let my Mom be free from Dad’s cruel hand.”

Robert still weeping held Nancy’s journal to his chest. One last time he smelled the sweet smell of her perfume where her diary had laid. “Nancy, only for you, I will be an angel to your Mom and know I will love you forever.”