Trying to hold focus on the long lonely drive home, Sasha kept the driver side window down to feel the brisk air flowing across her face. The fall sky with silence of movement except for the full moon keeping watch in the dark night with only faint twinkles of the stars which Sasha often wished upon as a young innocent girl in Odessa. No comfort do these stars bring her tonight for she must make her way stopping only for fuel and bathroom breaks. Sasha pulling the last of the clips from her hair which always held her trademark hair back shaking the shoulder length shimmering blonde hair loose. Her mind reviewing the events of only two days before when all was right with her life. Flashes of Leo’s kiss still causing tingles down her spine. A horn blares past her as she realizes that her fantasy flashback of Leo’s tender hands upon her back and full lips connecting with hers kept her from focusing on the road. “Pull your shit together Sasha” she shouted slamming her palm against the steering wheel. “Damn it Leo, my love for you is going to kill me yet!” she exclaimed turning up the volume on her CD to try to divert her torrid affair from her mind like a cleansing wave. “I can’t lose Peter!” she exclaimed with resolve gripping the wheel. “Damn it! I gotta take a nap or I’ll never make it back home to Peter by morning alive.” Finding a rest stop on Route 78, she closes the windows and parks her car under a lamppost as she is traveling alone. Grabbing the blanket from the back seat, and neck pillow she had since she was 14 when her parents bought it for her while leaving the Ukraine. Tilting her seat back she grabs and holds on to the pillow tightly, as it always reminded her of the things she left behind.
As she turns her tiny five-foot frame to the side she recalled that after her mother had past her father always called her his special gift. Her mother passed away giving birth to her. Her father was always there for her. As slumber starts to take hold of Sasha, she mumbles, “Oh papa, how I wish you were here to help me now.” As slumber finds its way to Sasha, the sound of the sea reaching shore fills her ears, and the voice of her very proud father holding her hand along the Black Sea when she was 13 finds her focus. “Sasha, you bring life to me.” She smiles in her slumber recalling that special day when her dad told her that they would be leaving for the United States next year. But then her dream takes a turn. “Sasha, please sit down. I need to talk with you,” her father exclaimed. Wrinkling her far head in her slumber as this part is not from her memory. “Sasha, I need to talk to you. Please sit down” pointing to the bench facing the sea she found so much comfort from as a child. “Sasha, you know that I have always loved you” his hand running along her hand as he always did to comfort her. “Yes papa. What is it?” Sasha said. “My joy is overflowing for all that you are, know this Sasha” he said assuring her. “But I am not here as a memory, I am here to help you. You know that I brought you to the United States when you were fourteen so we, you could have a better life.” “Yes, papa. I know” she replied.
“When I died last year, I know you took it really hard” he said with his hand brushing her cheek that she felt on her cheek as she slept in the car. “Papa, how is it possible you are talking to me like this, now?” Sasha said with a voice so alarmed. “Sasha, I told you that when your mother was dying after giving birth to you that I promised her I would always make sure you were ok. Even though I passed from the world, I asked to be able to come to you now” he said. “Oh papa, I really screwed up.” She grabbed on to him and released her tears upon his brown jacket holding tightly to him. “Yes, I know all about Leo Sasha. I have watched you every day since I passed. But I gave your hand to Peter two years ago at temple where you gave yourself only to him. On that day, I was so very proud of you. My heart was full of such joy” he said. “I know papa. I know I really screwed up.”
“My precious Sasha, we all make bad choices. And you driving to Vegas to shame your vows to Peter in that hotel room while Peter thinks you are at a conference for work. I have never been so ashamed to be your father” he continued. “I know papa, I know” she said through the angst in her tears. “You broke a vow Sasha, the one that you swore before God and Peter to be only with him. I never even thought about other women after I made that same vow to your mother. Your mother was always enough for me and all I could have ever asked to have in my life. Even when she passed, I kept my love for her until we reunited after my death” he said in a tone of respect.
“Sasha, I know all about Peter hitting you across the face. I saw your pain and tears that night. I know how drunk he was and that he had no right to hurt you like that my child” he said. “Papa, you saw him do that?” she said holding on to him even tighter grasping on to his lapels as she continued to say, “Papa he was so angry with me over nothing. I got three stitches on my cheek from that” she said. “I know my baby, I know” he replied holding her close to him. “He had no right to raise a hand to you. I saw all the times you cried yourself to sleep after he hit you and it broke my heart. Sasha, I don’t want you to live like that. I never would have agreed to you marrying such a man if I had known. I know you found Leo out of despair for your situation” he said with a voice of such power. “Papa, he hurts me so bad and Leo loves me and would never hurt me” Sasha said.
“I know I do really know that. Leo was always around since we first moved to the states. I always thought he was an honorable man. I was hoping he would be the man that would ask me for your hand in marriage” he exclaimed much to Sasha’s surprise. “Then you forgive me for being with Leo?” she said with surprise. “No, Sasha. One should never violate the wedding vows that you have made. But Sasha, I know you think me old fashioned. But you needed to get Peter out of your life before you should have ever reached out for Leo. I didn’t raise you to be a slut” he said firmly. “Papa, he helped heal my broken heart!” she said pulling away from him. “Sasha, I didn’t raise you to be a whore. I want you to go back to Peter.” Sasha interrupting him said, “Papa, you want me to get hurt again” she said angrily to him. “Sasha, shut up and listen. I want you to go back to Peter when he is sober and divorce him. Don’t you even go near Leo again until you resolve this with Peter. Promise me Sasha, you will not even see Leo until you are free to do so” he said much to Sasha’s surprise. “Papa, you will let me leave Peter even though I made a vow to be with him forever?” “Sasha, I never wanted you to be in pain. I promised your mother to always look out after you and I cannot stand another day of you being hit and treated in a disgraceful way even one more day. But you can’t sleep with Leo and think that this is ok! I never raised you to be such a deceitful person, did I?” he said. “No papa, you are right. God I miss you papa” she said embracing him tightly with a kiss on his cheek.
“Sasha, I want you happy and honorable. I never wanted you to be treated or treat others in the way you both have done. But what he did caused me such pain even in the afterlife. Promise me you will find a good lawyer who will allow you to have a clean break from Peter before you seek a chance to be with Leo” he said. “I will papa, I will, thank you for loving me so” she said followed by a tender kiss on his cheek like she had done hundreds of times before as a child. “Sasha, one more thing before you leave me. I want you to have something to remember I will always love you. When you open your eyes, look up and look to the sky just to the left of the moon. That bright star is me looking down on you. I will always watch over you Sasha. Open your eyes now and remember you promised me to live with the honor that I raised you to have in your life.” “I will papa, I will” Sasha said as she said this, her eyes opened. She was in her car and said “Wow. What a dream.” Her eyes looked upward and she saw the most amazing thing, a twinkling star just to the left of the moon just like he said. A tear slowly moved down her face with great joy. “I love you papa, I love you.”
Grabbing her cell phone, she quickly found the number to Leo, and told him, that she has decided to divorce Peter. She went on to tell him the experience she just had. Leo after hearing her go on about this said, “Sasha, I do love you. I will wait for you. It will kill me to wait, but I have always loved you. And you tell that son of a bitch Peter, I’ll kill him for hurting you” Leo said. “Leo, No, please, I promised my father that you would stay out of my life until I am available. If you love me you wouldn’t go anywhere near Peter or me until I’m divorced” Sasha said. “OK, but know this Sasha, I can’t promise that I wouldn’t hurt him after the divorce” Leo said. “Leo, no, please, I just want you in my life with all the love and completeness you give me by your love. If you love, me you will not go anywhere near Peter” Sasha insisted. “OK, Sasha. Only because I want you so bad it hurts. I will honor that but I promise you this I will never hurt you and will always be faithful to you for the rest of my life” Leo said. Sasha with tears streaming down her face she couldn’t speak. After a minute Leo said, “Sasha, are you there, did I lose your signal?” Sasha wiping the tears from her face, says, “Oh Leo, I am here. You just touched my heart with your words baby. I will be yours forever, just give me time to get this shit over. I love you so much Leo. Bye.” She hangs up the cell phone.
Sasha places her seat up and puts the pillow and blanket in the passenger seat. Taking a deep breath she reached for her phone again and dialed her best friend Olga. “Hello, Sasha?” Olga answered. “Hey. Yeah it’s me” she replied. “What’s wrong Sasha?” Olga replied. “Wrong? Well, nothing. I decided to leave Peter. Do you think I can move in with you for a while” Sasha said. She then proceeded to give her the details of what had happened and Olga then replied, “Wow, Sasha, you know I always have your back. The spare room is yours for as long as you need it.” “Thanks Olga, I should be there in about 2 hours.”
As she turns her tiny five-foot frame to the side she recalled that after her mother had past her father always called her his special gift. Her mother passed away giving birth to her. Her father was always there for her. As slumber starts to take hold of Sasha, she mumbles, “Oh papa, how I wish you were here to help me now.” As slumber finds its way to Sasha, the sound of the sea reaching shore fills her ears, and the voice of her very proud father holding her hand along the Black Sea when she was 13 finds her focus. “Sasha, you bring life to me.” She smiles in her slumber recalling that special day when her dad told her that they would be leaving for the United States next year. But then her dream takes a turn. “Sasha, please sit down. I need to talk with you,” her father exclaimed. Wrinkling her far head in her slumber as this part is not from her memory. “Sasha, I need to talk to you. Please sit down” pointing to the bench facing the sea she found so much comfort from as a child. “Sasha, you know that I have always loved you” his hand running along her hand as he always did to comfort her. “Yes papa. What is it?” Sasha said. “My joy is overflowing for all that you are, know this Sasha” he said assuring her. “But I am not here as a memory, I am here to help you. You know that I brought you to the United States when you were fourteen so we, you could have a better life.” “Yes, papa. I know” she replied.
“When I died last year, I know you took it really hard” he said with his hand brushing her cheek that she felt on her cheek as she slept in the car. “Papa, how is it possible you are talking to me like this, now?” Sasha said with a voice so alarmed. “Sasha, I told you that when your mother was dying after giving birth to you that I promised her I would always make sure you were ok. Even though I passed from the world, I asked to be able to come to you now” he said. “Oh papa, I really screwed up.” She grabbed on to him and released her tears upon his brown jacket holding tightly to him. “Yes, I know all about Leo Sasha. I have watched you every day since I passed. But I gave your hand to Peter two years ago at temple where you gave yourself only to him. On that day, I was so very proud of you. My heart was full of such joy” he said. “I know papa. I know I really screwed up.”
“My precious Sasha, we all make bad choices. And you driving to Vegas to shame your vows to Peter in that hotel room while Peter thinks you are at a conference for work. I have never been so ashamed to be your father” he continued. “I know papa, I know” she said through the angst in her tears. “You broke a vow Sasha, the one that you swore before God and Peter to be only with him. I never even thought about other women after I made that same vow to your mother. Your mother was always enough for me and all I could have ever asked to have in my life. Even when she passed, I kept my love for her until we reunited after my death” he said in a tone of respect.
“Sasha, I know all about Peter hitting you across the face. I saw your pain and tears that night. I know how drunk he was and that he had no right to hurt you like that my child” he said. “Papa, you saw him do that?” she said holding on to him even tighter grasping on to his lapels as she continued to say, “Papa he was so angry with me over nothing. I got three stitches on my cheek from that” she said. “I know my baby, I know” he replied holding her close to him. “He had no right to raise a hand to you. I saw all the times you cried yourself to sleep after he hit you and it broke my heart. Sasha, I don’t want you to live like that. I never would have agreed to you marrying such a man if I had known. I know you found Leo out of despair for your situation” he said with a voice of such power. “Papa, he hurts me so bad and Leo loves me and would never hurt me” Sasha said.
“I know I do really know that. Leo was always around since we first moved to the states. I always thought he was an honorable man. I was hoping he would be the man that would ask me for your hand in marriage” he exclaimed much to Sasha’s surprise. “Then you forgive me for being with Leo?” she said with surprise. “No, Sasha. One should never violate the wedding vows that you have made. But Sasha, I know you think me old fashioned. But you needed to get Peter out of your life before you should have ever reached out for Leo. I didn’t raise you to be a slut” he said firmly. “Papa, he helped heal my broken heart!” she said pulling away from him. “Sasha, I didn’t raise you to be a whore. I want you to go back to Peter.” Sasha interrupting him said, “Papa, you want me to get hurt again” she said angrily to him. “Sasha, shut up and listen. I want you to go back to Peter when he is sober and divorce him. Don’t you even go near Leo again until you resolve this with Peter. Promise me Sasha, you will not even see Leo until you are free to do so” he said much to Sasha’s surprise. “Papa, you will let me leave Peter even though I made a vow to be with him forever?” “Sasha, I never wanted you to be in pain. I promised your mother to always look out after you and I cannot stand another day of you being hit and treated in a disgraceful way even one more day. But you can’t sleep with Leo and think that this is ok! I never raised you to be such a deceitful person, did I?” he said. “No papa, you are right. God I miss you papa” she said embracing him tightly with a kiss on his cheek.
“Sasha, I want you happy and honorable. I never wanted you to be treated or treat others in the way you both have done. But what he did caused me such pain even in the afterlife. Promise me you will find a good lawyer who will allow you to have a clean break from Peter before you seek a chance to be with Leo” he said. “I will papa, I will, thank you for loving me so” she said followed by a tender kiss on his cheek like she had done hundreds of times before as a child. “Sasha, one more thing before you leave me. I want you to have something to remember I will always love you. When you open your eyes, look up and look to the sky just to the left of the moon. That bright star is me looking down on you. I will always watch over you Sasha. Open your eyes now and remember you promised me to live with the honor that I raised you to have in your life.” “I will papa, I will” Sasha said as she said this, her eyes opened. She was in her car and said “Wow. What a dream.” Her eyes looked upward and she saw the most amazing thing, a twinkling star just to the left of the moon just like he said. A tear slowly moved down her face with great joy. “I love you papa, I love you.”
Grabbing her cell phone, she quickly found the number to Leo, and told him, that she has decided to divorce Peter. She went on to tell him the experience she just had. Leo after hearing her go on about this said, “Sasha, I do love you. I will wait for you. It will kill me to wait, but I have always loved you. And you tell that son of a bitch Peter, I’ll kill him for hurting you” Leo said. “Leo, No, please, I promised my father that you would stay out of my life until I am available. If you love me you wouldn’t go anywhere near Peter or me until I’m divorced” Sasha said. “OK, but know this Sasha, I can’t promise that I wouldn’t hurt him after the divorce” Leo said. “Leo, no, please, I just want you in my life with all the love and completeness you give me by your love. If you love, me you will not go anywhere near Peter” Sasha insisted. “OK, Sasha. Only because I want you so bad it hurts. I will honor that but I promise you this I will never hurt you and will always be faithful to you for the rest of my life” Leo said. Sasha with tears streaming down her face she couldn’t speak. After a minute Leo said, “Sasha, are you there, did I lose your signal?” Sasha wiping the tears from her face, says, “Oh Leo, I am here. You just touched my heart with your words baby. I will be yours forever, just give me time to get this shit over. I love you so much Leo. Bye.” She hangs up the cell phone.
Sasha places her seat up and puts the pillow and blanket in the passenger seat. Taking a deep breath she reached for her phone again and dialed her best friend Olga. “Hello, Sasha?” Olga answered. “Hey. Yeah it’s me” she replied. “What’s wrong Sasha?” Olga replied. “Wrong? Well, nothing. I decided to leave Peter. Do you think I can move in with you for a while” Sasha said. She then proceeded to give her the details of what had happened and Olga then replied, “Wow, Sasha, you know I always have your back. The spare room is yours for as long as you need it.” “Thanks Olga, I should be there in about 2 hours.”
Sasha, biting her bottom lip in the corner like she did every time she was nervous. She highlighted her home phone number. Looking up to the moon she found the star just to the left and saw a twinkle with such beauty that it gave her the courage to press dial on the phone. “Hello, Sasha, where the fuck are you?” Peter said. “You should have been here hours ago.” Sasha replied, “Peter, it’s over. I am never going to be hit by you again. I have had it with you. I am calling my lawyer in the morning and divorcing you.” Peter responding in a tone she was all too familiar to hearing. “Sasha, you can’t do that. You’re my wife” he said firmly. “Peter, don’t bother trying to find me, I’m going away and my lawyer will contact you with the papers based on the abuse you did to me. And yes, the hospital pictures of my stitches will be submitted to the judge along with a request for a restraining order so don’t try any of your shit. I wouldn’t hesitate to contact the school board about how you beat me over and over. I’m sure your teaching job will disappear in a heartbeat if you want to play hard ball. It’s over.” Peter taken back by her ability to stand up to him like she never did before said, “I hope you’re happy you waste of flesh. Fine, you got your divorce, just don’t take my job away from me it is all I’ll have left.”
As Sasha hung up the phone, she felt this great calm upon her like never before. She looked up to the moon and over just slightly to the left and stared at that star for five minutes saying over and over again, papa, thanks for loving me that much. She started her car and put in a CD from the glove compartment that she hadn’t played since she was 17. Finding the on-ramp, she hit track 6 and Gloria Gaynor’s - I will Survive filled the car as she sang along with meaning she never felt before.
No comments:
Post a Comment